


Don't Know Where I Stand

by nurselaney



Series: The Cactus Tree [4]
Category: Hardy Boys - Franklin W. Dixon, Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries (TV), Nancy Drew - Carolyn Keene, Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys Super Mysteries - Franklin W. Dixon & Carolyn Keene
Genre: 1970's, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Vietnam, Drug Use, Multi, Pre-Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 23:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7458268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nurselaney/pseuds/nurselaney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bess still has nightmares sometimes, about the last war protest she attended at Emerson last year. The police with their batons and their tear gas and the screaming and the blood and God make it stop. The violence at the protests only made George and Joe angrier, more outspoken. It turned Bess into a coward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Know Where I Stand

George is still going to the rallies. The war is over, Bess honestly doesn’t understand why George is doing this, there is nothing to protest now.

Okay, so that is a lie and she knows it, but _God_ … _is it really necessary_?

Bess still has nightmares sometimes, about the last war protest she attended at Emerson last year. The police with their batons and their tear gas and the screaming and the blood and _God make it stop_. The violence at the protests only made George and Joe angrier, more outspoken. It turned Bess into a coward.

She knows that’s what she is, George never tells her that but Bess can see it in her cousin’s eyes whenever she refuses to join her on another protest. _Coward._

The war is over, there’s no reason, why continue with more violence and destruction?

_Excuses._

She _knows_ why George is doing what she’s doing and she _knows_ that it’s the right thing to do, but she’s just _so damn scared._

* * *

Ned sits down next to her at the bar and Bess glances over at him, “Shouldn’t you be dancing with Nancy?”

“Your cousin is dancing with her and that punk friend of hers.”

Bess glances over and sees that, yes, George and Frank have Nancy sandwiched between them and the three of them are moving in a slow rhythm that contrasts to the wild guitar solo Joe Hardy is blasting on stage. They’ve obviously been sharing some of George’s LSD.

“I think George brought some of her acid to the party…”

“Yeah.” Ned takes a long pull from his beer and then grimaces, “Kinda wish Nancy wasn’t into that.”

Bess feels surprised, but also like she shouldn’t be. “You’re not into…that?”

“Seen a few too many guys in Nam kill a few too many innocent people while tripping.” Ned glances over at her, “I prefer to know my limits and not cross over them.”

“God, really? They got high while in a warzone?”

“You would have too if you’d have been there. Some days…being a little high seemed like the only way to deal with it.”

“But you never did?” Bess asks curiously, tilting her head to try to catch his eye.

“Like I said, I saw what being on a trip in the middle of a warzone did to those other guys. I was trying to make it home alive, without a ton of innocent blood on my hands.”

The silence stretches over them, and while Bess wouldn’t have minded sitting next to the old Ned and not speaking, being here with this new Ned makes her feel like the lack of conversation is smothering her. She just doesn’t know what to say.

Thankfully, he breaks the silence for her. “Something going on between you and George? You two don’t seem as close as you used to.”

Okay, so maybe she’d have preferred the silence.

“George and I have been having a…difference of opinion lately.”

Ned raises an eyebrow and takes another sip of his beer. Bess assumes that he intends for her to continue so, reluctantly, she does.

“We used to all go to the rallies together. The War Protests.”

“Yeah, Nancy used to write to me about going. She told me something happened at one of the last ones, didn’t some kids end up in the hospital?”

“One of them died. Helen Archer. She was in our year at River Heights High.”

Ned looks startled, “Nancy didn’t tell me that. I’m sorry to hear it.”

“Yeah. I haven’t…I haven’t been quite as willing to be involved in activism as George would like since then.”

Ned just looks at her.

“I just…we started protesting because the war was wrong, and you being forced to go over there was wrong, and we wanted the war to be over and you to come home. And it’s happened, it’s over, you’re home, but George still wants to be involved. And I understand, I do, there’s a lot wrong with the world, and there’s certainly a lot wrong that affects her and Joe, but I just… What if what happened to Helen ends up happening to her? Is it wrong for me to want her alive more than I want her to do what she thinks is right? Especially if doing what she thinks is right may kill her?”

Ned is quiet for a long moment and Bess finds her gaze wandering over to where their friends are dancing. Frank has his arm wrapped around Nancy’s waist from behind and Nancy is laughing into George shoulder in front of her while George takes a long drag from the doobie she’s holding. Bess doesn’t get involved in the drugs either, but it’s more because it just makes her sick. She’s always the outsider when they start getting high, but these days she’s used to that.

Ned’s voice cuts through her thoughts and she turns back to him.

“When I was over in Nam, I was fighting someone else’s war. Now I’m back, and I could just go back to college and finish with med school, go on with my old plans for life and just pretend it never happened.” His eyes find hers as he says, “But I don’t want to pretend it never happened, Bess. Nam was hell, and Nam changed me. And I’m okay with that. I was fighting someone else’s war, and the whole time I was over there, I was getting Uncle Sam’s propaganda pumped into my ears. The only times we ever actually heard about what was going on over here with the protests and the riots was when Andy’s uncle from San Fran sent him newspaper clippings.”

Bess doesn’t know what to say at this point, so she just looks at him.

“The point is; I want to fight _my_ battles now. I want to fight for the truth. I want to fight so that my son or daughter won’t have to go through what I went through. I want to fight for the world I want, not the world I have.”

Bess looks down at her hands.

“So…I guess I understand where your cousin is coming from. And you… just need to talk to her you know? You were really hurt by what happened, talk about it with her, explain why you are scared. She’ll understand. You two have always been different, but you’ve always had each other’s backs.” Ned turns back to his beer and Bess tries not to let the tears lurking at the edge of her eyes fall.

“Thanks, I needed to hear that.”

Ned sighs, “Your welcome.”

“Have you talked to Nancy about any of this?”

“No.”

The change in his tone says he’s not planning on it either and she’d better not keep talking to him about it.

Ned reaches into his pocket and places some bills on the bar. He nods to the bartender and turns to look at her. “Tell Nancy I was tired and went home, okay?”

Bess frowns, “You can tell her yourself, you know.”

Ned glances over to the dancefloor and Bess sees his eyes linger on Frank Hardy’s arm wrapped around her friend’s shoulder.

“I’d rather not interrupt. Just… tell her for me, okay?”

Bess nods and watches him walk out the door. When she looks back over at the group on the dancefloor she sees Nancy marching towards her, her eyes a little wild in a way that says she’s a little more aware but still a little too high.

“Ned left? Why?”

Bess shrugs and says, “He said he was tired.”

Nancy bites her lip and glances around the room. “Okay. Okay.” Bess watches as her friend nods once, face pulled into a frown, and then turns and walks towards the bathroom. She thinks to herself that Ned Nickerson might need to start practicing what he preaches.


End file.
